Sometimes, it's difficult to be different. That's probably why these two words are so similar.
Today,
my class and I went to a conference about "Selectividad" (the final
exam we do in Spain before we start college) in a building not far away
from my school. After that, we had to go back to class: we had Universal
Literature. We were going to finish reading the Metamorphosis, Kafka's
best book. The book is precisely about the topic I'm writing about today: how people who are different are rejected by society and often have to resign themselves to not being accepted.
Anyway, even
though we had class, most people just wanted to go home, because it was
the last period of the day. I understand that not everyone is as interested as I am
in literature (not everyone is as "freak" as me), but they said that
either all of us went to class or we all went home. It was only another
girl and I who wanted to go in, but she said that she wouldn't go if
nobody else went, so I was left alone with a decision to make: follow my
will and go to a class I like by myself, with all the other people
criticizing me at my back, or follow the crowd and go home. I finally
chose the second one, feeling a bit sad that I hadn't done what I wanted
to.
Of course, this little story is almost insignificant, but
then, if you take the essence of it and see the big picture of the
situation, you realize that these kind of things happen to us all the
time, not only with small decisions like this, but also with things that
actually have an impact on our lives. How many times have we stopped
doing something we really wanted because of fear of what others might
think of it? Whether we want it or not, we live in a society with other people,
and majorities can easily defeat the individual. Even if we are
against something because we think it's wrong, we sometimes support it
(or at least we don't argue about it) just because most people do so! Let's take politics, for instance. I am sure that there have been many
politicians who have had new ideas in order to change the situation of
their country , but they have been unable to put them into
practice because their ideas clashed with the interests of certain people, and
they've had to choose between doing the right thing or keeping their
reputation among the ones who surround them.
And this is how we
let ourselves be influenced by others, because that is how the world
works: it's mostly a chain of interests. If you don't follow the flock,
then you're going to be the black sheep.
But is being different really that bad? I mean, the most important
people in history are important precisely because they've been
different. If they had stopped following their ideals in order not to be
"weird", we would not have many of the wonders we have now, like
electricity, cinema or the internet! There are times when you do have to
cope with what others say in order to fit in, but never let your
personality be lost, and if you think you have a great idea or you are
completely against something, just say it! As Jim Morrison said, "The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are."
Hi! Today I'm gonna make a little parenthesis to my thoughts, an I'm going to make way to a poem that I've written for a poetry competition in high school, which, for my surprise, I have won. I wanted to share it with all of you to see what you think of it (whether or not you speak Spanish, poetry is like music, it is universal).
Before I show it to you, I want to say that the poem is about the suffering of Don Quixote when he realizes that his ideal of reality, where beauty and justice are above anything else, is exactly the opposite of the reality he lives in: a cruel and unfair world. This contrast makes him feel weariness (hastío) and emptiness and, inspiring myself in "Les fleurs du mal" by Baudelaire, I put these feelings into words. Here it is:
Dulce tarde en primavera
a mitad de su camino
un pobre diablo espera
alcanzar a su destino.
Un bravo y fiel escudero
a su lado le acompaña
y teme que al caballero
ya le aceche la guadaña.
Su rostro blanco y cansado
y su alma, limpia y pura
tristemente han aceptado
que en el mundo no hay mesura.
Esas rosas coloradas
sangre de cobra parecen
esos mirlos en las ramas
de hastío y rabia perecen.
Los esclavos de galeras
por él fueron liberados
pues de muy injusta manera
habían sido condenados.
Piedras clavan en sus sienes
los que ahora de paz gozan
¿dónde está el honor de quienes
tras sufrir el odio, brotan?
¡Oh, Tierra perdida!
¡Oh, Venus dorada!
que todo mi ideal de vida
se desvanece en la nada
Deciden llamarme loco
esos que sufren locura
capaces de, por muy poco,
tornar su alma en oscura.
Este hidalgo caballero
con valor marcó una senda
porque el Mal es aún certero
sigue viva su leyenda.
Sometimes, I just feel melancholic. There isn't always a specific
reason for that feeling: there might be many, there might be none.
Today, I was thinking how fragile we humans are. One day we think we are
going to eat up the world, next day we feel all alone, even if we know
that there are great people who will always be by our side. But why is
it? What keeps us back from going out there and do anything we want,
make our dreams come true, look for the new? There is a fear that we all
have, a fear to fail. If we have a goal, we set high expectations, but
then we are afraid that the actual thing may not live up to these
expectations. Telling a person your true feelings for her is one of
these situations.
Personally, I tend to dream too much each time I fall
for a girl. I don't know why, but I picture that girl and I in the near
future, sitting together in my terrace, hugging, kissing, feeling like
the happiest people alive. For a moment, I actually feel that happiness,
but then I come back to reality and realize that that perfect moment
hasn't happened yet, and I start to worry: What if that moment never
comes? What if everything goes wrong? I suppose that's a quite
pessimistic view, but doesn't that happen to all of us?
Other times we
stand up and say: "Well, I'm going to go for it." But then, when you see
yourself in front of that person with whom you've been having all these
passionate dreams about, you stand back, you think that it's impossible
and that it is easier if you just stay the way you are. Afterwards,
when you're by yourself again, you regret not having said anything and
think: "This time, oh yes, this time I'm gonna do it!". You see her
again, and when you're about to tell her, you get the fear in your stomach and reject your plans
once more. It can be a never ending thing, but that is how fear works.
Of course, there are also times when you are able to fulfill your
expectations about that girl or boy you like, and these are the times when
you see that it is worth being brave and conquering your dreams, and that
there is no point in fearing the new. This doesn't just apply to love relationships, it applies to anything new that you are willing to do but are too afraid that it might end up badly. My conclusion is: If you really
want something but you're scared of failure, just think that you've got
much more to win than to lose, so don't overthink it and
take a chance!
